I despise public toilets. I'm not just talking about the sordid underground rape-haven's the local council provide, I mean ALL public toilets. Bars, shops, train stations, bus stations, airports. If the public have access to it, you can guarantee no matter how clean it started the day, by 9.30am it will be a disease-ridden cesspool, reminiscent of the room in The Shining but with p*ss and sh*t instead of blood.
What makes a bloke, upon entering a public toilet, lose all control and spray everywhere like a hosepipe no-one's holding on to? I'm told women's toilets are as bad if not worse. And when did it become too much trouble to flush a turd away? Was the culprit greeted by one himself and thought it was the done thing to leave it on show for the next person? Or is it some strange type of provocation for one-upmanship- here's mine, lets see if you can do better?
One can only hope their own toilets don't look like this.
Then you get the bog with no seat. That's a pretty fundamental part of the whole toilet set-up. If you're not prepared to provide one you may as well pull the whole thing out and stick a couple more urinals or a johnny machine in its place.
It's pure desperation that drives me to use a public toilet for a number two. It literally has to be hanging out of my a*se before I'll even consider it. But sometimes- just sometimes- you drop on that rarest of things, something that many of you will never have seen, maybe not even thought possible; the clean, unspoiled toilet.
The door locks, the seat's clean, it's not full of turds. You sit down, relax as best you can under the circumstances, and do your business. This is what public toilets should be like.
Then you turn round to find there's no f*cking bog roll.
